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Superman Retrospective ’86 – ’99 pt. 5


You can check out the previous installments of this rather lengthy series here: http://www.toonbarn.com/tag/mxysuperman

adventures of superman 427

Adventures of Superman #427

Superman invades the country that sent a terrorist Voltron to Metropolis a couple of issues ago. The country is named Qurac, and is being lead by a certain president Marlo who’s-okay, screw this. The country is obviously modeled after Iraq and President Marlo looks like Saddam Hussein or one of his many body doubles. It was 1987.

So basically, Superman went to Qurac and used his super alien powers to throw tanks around whoop a few Quracis until he reaches the office of President Marlo and pushes him against a wall. Here comes the swerve: A couple of mysterious butt-ugly mutants living in Qurac’s sewers telepathically mess with Superman’s head, making him think he’s back on Krypton with his parents, who tell him he should be ruling the world. Superman has to abandon his meeting with the president and go for a nap in his hotel room (or Clark’s hotel room). Once there, the sewer mutants go back to messing with Superman’s head, making him see visions of past villains and potential lovers (Lois, Lana and Cat) taunting him about his motives for helping people. Superman resists, though, and the main mutant, Prana, dies from all the mental stress.

Action comics 587

Action Comics #587

This time around, Superman team’s up with the rhyming demon, Etrigan (I don’t exactly know Etrigan’s main M.O. as I have only recently learned from the pages of Sandman that DC’s demons have a fondness for speaking in poetic forms.) The demon is basically dealing with a case where the friends of his human identity, Jason Blood, have been magically turned into giant crystal towers. Superman sees the towers and naturally begins punching them to bits, until Demon tells him the towers were alive and he just killed a bunch of people (but not before Superman gets to punch Demon for a while, because that’s how he rolls).

In order to break the spell (and prevent the death of Blood’s friends at Superman’s fists), The Demon sends Superman back in time to the 12th century. After an encounter with the “Bring out your dead!” guy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Supes meets up with the Jason Blood/Demon of that era and the two unite against the sorceress Morgana le Fay, who has been impersonating a young child. There’s some more punching, some magicking, and finally the existence of the curse is prevented and Superman goes back to the present with no memory of what just happened.

This marks the second massacre that Superman is responsible for since the poor Freedom Fighters on Apokolips (see: Adventures of Superman #426), both cases conveniently being wiped out of his memory. Apparently, one of Superman’s powers is lack of accountability.

Superman 5

Superman #5

The whole issue could be summed up with “Superman vs. The Huge Robot Mummy, Part 1 of 2,” which should have been its title. The issue starts with Lois Lane and Clark Kent covering an archeological excavation in South America, which unearthed some pretty advanced technology from 100,000 years ago. There’s practically a whole Mac store down there. In poking around with the technology, they wake up a giant mummy that shoots eye lasers.

Clark separates from the group as they escape from the mummy and fights it for a while, but eventually gets knocked out. The issue ends when we find out that this massive monster that can fly and shoot lasers is actually *gasp* a robot!

Adventures of superman 428

Adventures of Superman #428

The gangbanger son of the Daily Planet’s editor Perry White, cleverly named Jerry White, gets kidnapped by a mobster who threatens to kill him if Perry doesn’t write an article saying the mobster is innocent. Perry actually considers not writing the article, proving he’s a remarkable journalist and a crappy dad.

Thankfully, Superman was eavesdropping on Perry’s phone conversation and starts interviewing hoodlums to find out Jerry’s whereabouts — and by interviewing I mean threatening to drop them from great distances. Finally Superman rescues Jerry and brings him back home, but Jerry realizes his dad wasn’t gonna write the article and tells him he sucks.

Action comics 588

Action Comics #588

Superman helps Hawkman and Hawkwoman stop an invasion from their own planet of wing-wearing warriors, Thanagar. The Hawkcouple came to Earth years ago chasing a Thanagarian criminal and sorta took a liking to the place, so when they learned of the invasion they betrayed their people and called Superman for help. Supes spends most of the issue flying around space and punching invader ships, which is as awesome as it sounds.

Hawkman finally figures out how to stop the invasion by teleporting all the ships to distant corners of the universe — unfortunately Superman was out there with the ships when that happened, so he ends up stranded millions of light years from Earth, without air. Welp, guess that’s it for the Man of Steel. He had a good run.

That would be it for now. Stay tuned for the 6th part next week. I literally have a truckload of these comics so we can keep this going for a LONG time. In the meantime, you can add me on Twitter: @mrmxy or read the stuff I wrote for Cracked at http://www.cracked.com/members/Mxy


Maxwell Yezpitelok

You can add me on Twitter: @mrmxy or read the stuff I wrote for Cracked at http://www.cracked.com/members/Mxy

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